I had a dream the other night. I dreamt Hollywood talent search team came to town and somehow I was among the dozen chosen for audition. I was to play James Bond's new thriller named "The spy who love Hot Momma". I was not surprised I was chosen, after all, I'm taller than Danny De Vito, 90 kilogram, dimpled when I smile and dapper than Sean himself. and I can easily tuck in my belly within two weeks of signing up with Marie France, I've done it before and can do it again. You know Mr Bean? I'm like him when I'm slim.
In the movie, I, as Bond, was required to cross dress as a smart talking, charismatic and overwieght septogenarian grandma on a sightseeing tour of North Korea looking for a life partner, since there are many of them balding old bachelors living as hermits in this kingdom. Surreptitously James Bond has to look for the Nuclear Plant and site where they keep the dreaded bomb and to use all my skills and guile honed over the decades to destroy (read detonate) it to smithereen in a way to look like as if its an accident, so the West wont be blamed for this calamity. Smart eh?
As the dream progressed, the skirt chasing despot President Hung Ill Dong, had a fetish for older caucasian women and thats where I traipsed in. Very soon, he was under my spell and I was able to get him to show me where the ka-boom button was, and well, I just pressed it and all hell broke loose. It launched a still under-test underground nuclear warhead and trigger a 10.0 Richter scale earthquake that caused a tsunami hitting Japan, gulp! the waves!!! where's the jetlicopter that M said was to rescue me...That was when I was waken by my wife slapping my thigh.
"Get your hairy leg off my buttock!" she shrieked
"No! I'm going to stop your evil plan," I mumbled "God save the Queen!!"
Bonk! My wife's clenched fist came crashing down on my head.
"What was that for" I said, dazed.
"Pressing my belly button so hard!!" she retorted.
"The Ka-boom button?"